


Feel Good

by FreeSamPles



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Connor Deserves Happiness, Connor Needs A Hug, Gen, Poor Connor, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-22 11:21:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15580839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FreeSamPles/pseuds/FreeSamPles
Summary: Nothing felt good anymore. Nothing was right. What good did it do for him to live, if there was nothing worth living for?





	Feel Good

The park. A beautiful, scenic place to go for nightly walks. Connor really enjoyed going here after his deviancy. He loved taking Sumo on walks. But after a year had passed, all he felt was the cold metal barrel pressed against his forehead that week of November.

Even though he was supposedly welcomed by Markus at New Jericho, he didn’t feel that he was welcomed by the rest of the deviants. He could feel their masks slip as he walked by them, showing their true face of fear. Time after time, he slowly decided to stop visiting. It was too much to watch them try to act friendly. It wasn’t genuine. It was painful.

He didn’t feel welcomed at the precinct either. Most of the workers there either ignored him or sent rude glances his way. They were told about the incident that had happened with Gavin, and deemed him destructive. The only people who really interacted with him were the android workers, but even then, they only occasionally greeted him. It upset Connor. He had helped so many android lives, but at what price?

During August, all he could remember was his first deviancy case. All Daniel wanted was to be free, and Connor had ruined that. He didn’t even save the little girl. Emma. Next month, she would’ve been eleven years old. She didn’t even get to live a whole decade. His attitude noticeably got worse during that month. When Hank asked about it, all Connor did was avoid the question. Did he really deserve to be a deviant? All this pain and sorrow; was being free worth that?

When November rolled around, the only thing Connor felt was empty. Even with Hank and Sumo to keep him company, it didn’t stop the ice cold loneliness that froze his artificial heart.

On their way to the precinct, Connor didn’t say a word to the Lieutenant, music blaring over the stereo.

“What’s on your mind, Connor?” Hank asked, glancing over at the unmoving detective.

“Nothing.” His tone sounded so emotionless, his gaze fixated on the outside. Hank knew this wasn’t how Connor usually sounded, but he didn’t want to press the kid too hard. He decided to leave it be.

The rest of the ride was silent, with the exception of the occasional uncomfortable hums heard from Hank.

Once they reached the precinct, all Connor could think about was getting into bed again. He couldn’t even finish his work anymore. He just wanted to leave.

A voice. A small, tiny voice echoed in his mind. It sounded like a kind, gentle woman. Not Amanda. More like that girl he had met at Kamski’s place. At first it was just quiet whispers that tickled him gently on the neck. But, as the day was getting closer and closer to an end, the voice was now heard loud and clear.

_Pull the trigger. Destroy yourself. ___

__At first, Connor didn’t know what to do. Did he really want to die? He held the black gun in his hands. It would be quick, it would be painless. Gradually, the thoughts were getting clearer in his head. He didn’t like this life. Emotions were too overwhelming. He didn’t want the control. He didn’t want it._ _

___Just let it happen. ____ _

____Connor stood up quickly, grabbing his trench coat from his office chair. He discreetly put the gun on the left side of his belt, making sure it was covered by the coat. Making sure nobody had noticed him, he briskly walked towards the bullpen doors._ _ _ _

____“Connor! Where the hell are you going?” Hank asked, nonchalantly laying back in his chair. Connor didn’t turn around, nastily replying, “Get back to work, Lieutenant.” The doors behind him shut, and Connor was gone._ _ _ _

____He reached the park around five thirty, the pistol in hand. The voice had been telling him the whole car ride to hurry. One swift motion. His pointer finger wrapped around the trigger. So quick. So painless. He didn’t need to live._ _ _ _

_____Do it. ____ _ _ _

______This time, it wouldn’t be Hank who was pressing the barrel against his forehead. It was him._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Goddamn it, Connor!” A gruff, out of breath voice could be heard from behind him._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Leave, Lieutenant. You shouldn’t be here.” Connor said, not turning around. His grip wasn’t loosening._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Connor, stop being so damn difficult! Why aren’t you looking at me?!” Connor deeply inhaled an artificial breath, and slowly turned to face him._ _ _ _ _ _

______Hank’s icy blue eyes filled with fear and empathy. No. Not like this._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Connor, son, give me the gun.” He slowly inched his way towards him. He held his hand out, gesturing for him to give him the gun._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I don’t want this to happen anymore, Hank. Why does this have to happen to me?” Connor said, tears welling up in his eyes. Hank inched closer. He had never seen him so weak and vulnerable._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I don’t know, kid. All I know, is that you don’t have to this.“_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I don’t want these emotions, Hank! I don’t want to be free, if it means that I have to suffer like this! No one cares about me!” Connor pushed the barrel deeper into his chin._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I care about you. You’re angry, you’re sad, but everything will be alright.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I...I’m a failure. I couldn’t accomplish my mission, I killed innocent deviants just to become one myself, and I killed a little girl! I’ve ruined everyone’s life... just let me die.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“You saved me.” The crack in Hank’s voice caused Connor to look up. He was crying._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I would be dead without you, son. Just like I said on that tower a year ago. You’ve saved human lives. You saved my life.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Hank gently pried the gun from Connor’s fingers, and he collapsed onto his knees, pulling Hank down with him. Hank tightly wrapped Connor in his arms, Connor’s head buried into his shoulder. The embrace felt nice. It was warm, it was gentle, and it was welcome. Connor slowly wrapped his arms around the older man, and eased into the hug. Tears emerged from his eyes without him realizing it. He had a home. He had a job. He had a partner. But most importantly:_ _ _ _ _ _

______He had a family._ _ _ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Apologies for any grammar issues, since I was half asleep writing this. Thanks for reading!


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